Jokes

1.Two Parrots:-

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary."
The lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest's cage. "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" they say.
One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

2.A Smart Parrot:-

A young man's mother was now living in Miami Beach and he didn't see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that his mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother. A few days later, he called.
"Ma, what do you think of the bird?"
"The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have cooked it longer."
"You ate the bird? Ma, the bird was very expensive. It spoke seven languages!"
"Oh, excuse me. But, if the bird was so smart, why didn't it say something when I put it in the oven?"

3.Come In:-

The mail carrier had a registered letter that needed a signature for a party on his route. Receiving no response to his knock on the front door, he went around to the back door which he found open, except for the screen door. He knocked. A high pitch voice from inside said, "Come in."
Upon entering the kitchen, he was confronted by the largest German Shepard he had ever seen. The dog bared his fangs menacingly, forcing the mail man against the wall. The mail man shouted, "Lady, call off you dog before he eats me alive." The only response he got was that same high pitch voice coming from the next room saying, "Come in."
Pressing his body against the wall, he slowly worked his way to the door way leading to the next room. Looking around, he saw the room was empty, except for a parrot in a cage. After the threat from the huge dog, he was becoming quite irate and said to the parrot.
"Darn you, don't you know any words besides 'Come in?"
Without a moments hesitation the parrot responded, "Sic him!!!"

4.WHO was driving?:-

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
"Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked."
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.


5.Short Types:-


What's green and red?
A very mad frog.

What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox!

What's green with bumps?
A frog with the measles!

What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.

What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad!

What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it!

How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Unhoppy.

What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?
A rubbit!

Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?
He liked a good croak and dagger.

What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired?
It got toad!!

What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!

What's green green green green green?
A frog rolling down a hill

What is a frogs favorite time?
Leap Year!

Why did the frog go to the mall?
Because he wanted to go hopping.

Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
Why did the frog cross the street?
Because the chicken crossed the road.

Why did the frog cross the road?
To see what the chicken was doing.

Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.

How do you confuse a frog?
Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.

How does a frog confuse you?
When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.

What did the frog say to the fly?
You are really starting to bug me!

What does a frog say when it sees something' great?
Toadly awesome!

What do you call a frog with no legs?
It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.

What do you call a frog with legs?
Dinner.

What did one frog say to another?
You're such a WART!

Why did the frog croak?
Because he ate a poisonous fly!

What is a frog's favorite game?
Croaket

What did the frog order at McDonald's?
French flies and a diet Croak

Why did the frog go to the hospital?
He needed a "hopperation" !

What is the thirstiest frog in the world?
The one who drinks Canada Dry!

What's red and green and goes 175 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.

What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits!

What does a bankrupt frog say?
"Baroke, baroke, baroke."

What has more lives that a cat?
A frog that goes croak every night.

Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
Why are frogs such liars?
Because they are amFIBians

How can you tell a frog doesn't have ears?
They don't move when a car is coming toward them.

What did the frog do after it heard a funny joke?
It started to croak up!

Why did the gag-writer turn green?
Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!