Jokes

1.Top 8 Worst Fortune Cookies Fortun

"What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?"
"Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops."
"Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt."
"Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan."
"Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids."
"Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application."
"Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck."
"Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup."

2.If an Asian girl was really Asian, she...

be wearing platforms
be wearing flares
has one of those fake-ass voices on the phone
carries a big-ass purse
carries hella pictures of her homies in the purse
knows everybody in town
thinks she knows about cars, but really don't
always be fiending for "pho"
lies about her age when y'all first meet
thinks she knows how to drive
talks hella fast on your voice mail
has a 800 or 888 number
shares a 800 or 888 with her homies
carries a pager for the time
has money but is hella cheap when it comes to paying
has taken studio pictures more than 7 times a month
wears a(n) Nautica, Tommy, Polo, Nike, or Adidas jacket
wears those fake-ass leather jackets
is seen every week at the mall
wear tight see-through shirts
never goes anywhere without at least her homie or her cousin
seems to be cousins with all the females in town
drives hella crazy... cuz she can't reach the pedal all the way
thinks she's fat... when she's like a little toothpick
likes it when peeps tell her she's cute... cuz she conceited
brings hundred lbs. of make-up in her purse
carries a back-pack to the mall after school... like she's a school girl
wants to get color contacts to look good
is always talking about "Asian Pride"
is always reppin her nationality
knows cities as their area code rather than the name
calls a city by ?-town or ?-side
if she's a good girl... has strict ass parents
if she's a bad girl... goes out every night
used to be a thug/gangsta girl
loves to karaoke with her homegirls
can't sing when she's with her man
can write hella nice
writes "sorry so sloppy" on every letter
dislikes Mariah Carey's racist ass
dislikes Hilfiger's racist ass
dislikes DiCaprio's gay ass
dislikes Ma$e's retarded ass
dislikes Russians' stank asses
watches Days of our Lives
watches guys play b-ball
thinks she can play b-ball
plays b-ball without shoes... cuz she only has platforms
if her natural hair color is nothing but a faint memory in the past
rather be single than go with a white-boy
freaks at every dance
booty shakes at every dance
if she's a good girl... loves lil' kids
if she's a bad girl... loves to hate lil' kids
wants an Integra GS-R... cuz every girl does
asks every guy she knows for a ride to everywhere
calls everyone to get a ride
pages everyone with "good night" when they go to sleep
pages everyone with her number... just to say hi
loves money... regardless who's it is

3.What the difference between ET and a Paki?

ET got the message and went home.

 

4."English" Signs Found In Asia

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
At a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
At a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Coolers and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive sideways
In a Beijing department store: Mickey Mouse High Fashion Apparel
Name of small guest house in mountains of northern Pakistan: 'Sea View Hotel'
On a menu in a Hong Kong restaurant: Spanish omelet (tomatoes, mushrooms, onion) Omelets surprise (two parsons)
On CD cover of local artists singing various western songs, name of well-known Roberta Flack song: 'Tonight I calibrate my love for you'

5.Top 10 Things Asians Should Have

Top Ramen
Plastic covered furniture
Motorola pager
Acura Integra w/ curb side scrapers, fog lights, spoiler, rims,etc..
Rice cooker
Anything with Sanrio on it
Karaoke machine
A college degree
Joy Luck Club video