Jokes

What did the elf use to make him taller?
He used elf raising flour.

What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don't look, I'm changing.

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut.


Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word 'analyze' in it.
Pupil: My sister Anna lies in bed until nine o'clock.

Which soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers.

What do you call a nervous witch?
a twitch.

What do you call a girl with the Titanic on her head?
Mandy lifeboats.

Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond.

What has webbed feet and fangs?
Count Quackula.

What dog smells of onions?
A hot dog.

What goes zzub zzub?
A bee flying backwards.

Did you hear about Big Chief Running Water?
He had two sons, so he called them Hot and Cold.

What key went to college?
A Yale.

What has four eyes and a mouth?
The Mississippi.

Who makes suits and eats spinach?
Popeye the Tailorman.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice.

What type of fish performs surgical operations?
A sturgeon.

Have you heard about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.

What did they award the man that invented the door knocker?
The No-bell Prize.

Did you hear about the robbers who fell in the sea?
They started a crime wave.