Jokes

1.Dumb Football Players:-

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right.
Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

2.Denying To Be A Baseball Fan:-

"My wife claims I'm a baseball fanatic. She says all I ever read about is baseball. All I ever talk about is baseball. All I ever think about is baseball. I told her she's way off base."


3.Doing it All Wrong:-

A wife returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor. "I did everything all wrong again today," she said.
"I talked too loud, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in too soon, and I caught more than he did."


4.Judo Tournament:-

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a Judo tournament. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Kano, Mifune, Kotani, Kimura and all the greatest players up here".
"Yes", snickered the Devil, "but I have all the referees."


5.300 White Guys:-

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.


6.Englishman Playing Baseball:-

A local community club was organizing a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, and were hard put to find a ninth. In desperation, they called on a new member, a very reserved Englishman who had just moved into the neighborhood from London, to join their team.
During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the very first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.
The team members stood there, dumfounded. Unfortunately, so did the Englishman. "Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake, run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan't run," he replied. "I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball."


7.Englishman Playing Baseball:-

A local community club was organizing a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, and were hard put to find a ninth. In desperation, they called on a new member, a very reserved Englishman who had just moved into the neighborhood from London, to join their team.
During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the very first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.
The team members stood there, dumfounded. Unfortunately, so did the Englishman. "Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake, run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan't run," he replied. "I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball."

8.Man Concentrating On His Golf Shot:-

It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker -"Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee!"
Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee! Please!"
Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"


9.Speaking Dog Boasting:-

Several racehorses are in a stable. One of them starts boasting about his track record.
"Of my last 15 races," he says, "I've won eight."
Another horse breaks in, "Well, I"ve won 19 of my last 27!"
"That's good, but I've taken 28 of 36," says another, flicking his tail.
At this point a greyhound who's been sitting nearby pipes up.
"I don't mean to boast," he says, "but of my last 90 races, I've won 88." The horses are clearly amazed.
"Wow," says one after a prolonged silence, "a talking dog!"


10.Baseball in Heaven:-

Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening.
He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. "Bob is that you?" Earl asked.
"Of course it me," Bob replied.
"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl."
"Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"
"You're pitching tomorrow night."