Jokes

1.Mexican Jews

Sid and Mundo were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. "Sid," asked Mundo, "Are there any Jews in Mexico?"
I don't know," Mundo replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Mundo asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews."
"Are you sure?" Mundo asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Mundo asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews, and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"

2.Will It Be Long?

When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?" The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, "How much
of a wait?" The woman looked up from her book and said, "About ten minutes." A short time later, we heard an announcement over the
loudspeaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is ready."

3.Great Steaks

A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if it was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.
The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious, gigantic steaks.
To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen.
"Now see here," the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. "Yesterday, when I came down here you served me a big, juicy steak. Today, though, when I have my friends with me, you serve tiny steaks! What is the meaning of this?"
"Yes, sir," replied the waiter, "yesterday you were sitting by the window."

4.Eye Contact
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her
eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement,
she readily consented.
He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."
"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."

5.Salad Humor

Waiter, waiter! There's a maggot in my salad.
Don't worry, he won't live long in that stuff. Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my salad.
Yes sir, the chef's using Webb lettuces today. Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Don't worry sir, the spider in your salad will eat it" Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing. How do you repair a broken tomato?
Tomato Paste! (submitted by Laynie) Why did the boy close the refrigerator door?
He didn't want to see the salad dressing! A faucet, lettuce and a tomato were in a race...what happened?
The faucet was running, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup! What kind of lettuce did they serve on The Titanic?
Iceberg! Q: What do you call a spider who makes salad?
A: A salad spinner. Q. What is the most romantic fruit salad?
A. A date with a peach. Waiter, what is bug doing in my salad ?
Trying to find it's way out sir ! Waiter, what is this creepy-crawly doing in my salad?
Not him again, he's in here every night ! Waiter, waiter! There's a caterpillar on my salad.
Don't worry sir, there is no extra charge.

6.If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . $1.00

7.May I take your order, Sir

A waiter approached the man studying the menu carefully at the fancy restaurant. "May I take your order, sir?" he asked.
"Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens." The man replied.
"Oh, it's nothing too special, sir," the waiter confided. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."